If my spirit were an animal....

It would most defiantly be a horse. Majestic, strong, emotional. I love these animals. I never feel quite like I do when I'm riding doing anything else. Its my souls medicine.

And my son's got it too. : )

He loves riding, I even dared to go at a trot for a few gaits and he just laughed and threw his arms up in the air like a true cowboy. It warms my heart to see the simple things, the things I love, make my son so happy. I want him to grow up enjoying the nature of hard work, of taking care of a farm. When Carsen gets older hes going to be the kid in the group that says when all the others are talking about what they are going to do on the weekend, "Oh, I'm going to throw hay at my Grandpa's" or "My mom, dad, and I are going to ride the horses and castrate a calf." Weird I know. But hey, its a Montana thing! ; )

A First for "The Carsen".

Today Carsen attended his first child's birthday party. Up until this day he had only attend grown up birthday celebrations which really did not entail all that much for the stink except food. He loves food. But no, today he attend our neighbors little boys 3rd birthday. It was a great time. Food of course was involved or I'm afraid Carsen would have regretfully declined. Games were played. And bless the neighbors they rented THIS:

The kids LOVED it. She was able to rent it for I think it was three and a half hours for $99. Um, yes please? I will have one of these at Carsens birthday parties when he is old enough. Carsen enjoyed it, all though me being the protective mother that I am of my baby I wouldn't let him get in there when the older kids were bouncing (I'm sorry we tried but they were just too rough for him, as a good kids as they were) and I also had to be in there with him, except once when I let my neighbor, Nicole, and here friend take him in. Here are some snap shots of The Carsen in his first bounce house ever.

  

Oh, just chillin in the bounce house.

And now he's on the move!

And there's theres the thumb.

Flirting with the pretty ladies. *wink, wink* : )

As you can see, he thoroughly enjoyed himself. He ate chips and potato salad. Had cake AND ice cream. And got send home with one of the birthday boys balloons because Nicole could not get over how cute Carsen was and how excited he got when he saw them. Spo-iled.

Here are some more random pictures I got of Carsen while at the party. He was too funny with this dancing skeleton they had on their fire place mantel. It played music and danced and my kid knew exactly what button to push over and over again. He was pretty cute too because he would dance along with the music, but my ears would have no rest if I had one in my house.



With his new favorite toy.

With his loot from the goody bag. :)

Playin in the playhouse. He though he was so cool going in and out the door over and over again!

This adorable new face he makes. It just makes me smile. : )

And my happy, smiling, baby boy. Man I love my stinker!

A Weekend Warrior's paradise

I've been brainstorming places to escape to that aren't too far away and a fairly inexpensive excursion. An outdoors activity is a must, like hiking. I love hiking. I'm not so much a hardcore canyoneer (although how cool would that be??) but I like to get out there and make that hike count. This is sort of a dream of mine, and that is to hike in Little Bluejohn Canyon in Utah. Yes, this is the canyon that Aaron Ralston was trapped in and had to cut off his arm in order to survive (if you haven't read his book or seen the movie 127 Hours I highly recommend both!). I love Utah. Next to Montana and Colorado it is one of my top places to do all of my outdoor recreations.

If you don't know any of the history behind Little Bluejohn Canyon, its actually quite interesting. You can find a good little blurb about it here. Its actually a site for Aaron's  mountaineering skills and his story of survival in Bluejohn Canyon. It is just beautiful.

Can you imagine hiking and crawling through rocks like this?

It doesn't get much better than this.

Montana is a true gem. I love this state like I love my family. We are in our own little bubble up here surrounded by nature and all that God created. How many people can say they get to see this every sunrise?

And this is what I look like after a crazy 10 hour night shift at the hospital..... I pretty much look like someone who's been hit by a truck. Good night all!

It's a wonderful night in the laboratory

Here's to another average, run of the mill Friday night here at Benefis East Clinical Lab. In case you don't know, an average, run of the mill Friday night includes multiple legal blood alcohols,  a few Code Blues,  with a dash of assorted traumas, and the standard bar fights. Happy Weekend!

I'm thinking yes....

To this for the Carsen-Butt's Halloween costume this year. I know it brings a smile to my face, how about yours??

Rub a dub dub, its a baby in a...... sink?

I had to share this picture of pure deliciousness that is my son. Since I am working and Ryan has guard drill this weekend the Carsen-Butt went out to his Mamae's and Gramps farm. This little gem is what I woke up to this afternoon.

And on a side note, would he not look just handsome as all get out in this.

I just love it. And I do believe his curls and blue eyes would just pop in it. : )

And its like this.....

You know what just irks me a bit? Bloggers who feel that they need to bedazzle their page in every-which-way. So much to the point that my da*n computer won't load their page. I follow a few fellow bloggers, only a few that I find exceptionally interesting, and well only one of them has a page so loaded with crap that their page wont even load past their enormous mast head. Seriously. Its ridiculous. I mean, I'm all about setting yourself apart from the crowd, but for heavens sake! Ok, we get it, your words are larger than life. But for the sake of my poor laptop could ya please tone it down?

In other news my fall semester hath started. Operation pass Anatomy and Physiology has commenced. I've even had a practical already too. I think I did well on it. *crossing fingers* But every time I think I've done well on something I usually don't and vice versa. So here's to hoping I at least passed. I studied my tail off. So much in fact this picture pretty much sums up my life outside of my child........

Yes, massive amounts of caffeine are consumed while working the night shift and studying my pretty little head off in A&P. Such a life! The Rockstar Roasted is very good though. I like coffee and energy drinks. If I could hook up to a IV drip of espresso I probably would. But to combine the two, was genius. I love it. And its really not that bad for me (other than the amount of caffeine in one). It only has 50 calories and 7g of sugar. I'm not sure of the carb count, I'll have to get back to you on that one. But for something like this you would think there would be a massive amounts of sugar in it. Nope. There is more sugar in flavored creamer for coffee than this puppy. Oh wait.... whats that sound? Ah, yes. Its my A&P books calling my name. Histology in lab this week means many hours spent staring into a microscope looking at slides of all kinds of tissue...... I go forth unto study-and-open-lab-dome. : )

This woman.....

Is my hero. She is charming, endearing, and believes in what the founding fathers envisioned for this country.

A Tale of Dating Woes....

I hate dating. No, really. I hate it with a passion. Who likes getting all dressed to impress someone you barely know, make awkward conversation, share a meal/movie/walk/other-sufficiently-awkward-dating-experience, pretend to be interested, and then call it a night with yet another moment of "awkwardness". Do you hug each other good bye? Kiss? Shake hands? What really is the most appropriate amount of time to wait between the first date and the next time you communicate?

I have to share a story with the blogging world, just because, well it'll either scare the hell out of some of you, give you a good laugh while thinking "That poor unfortunate girl", bring you back to the painful days of dating, a combination of the above, or well you just won't care. Either way, I'm sharing to make my point.

I recently met a guy through mutual friends. He was local, a native Montanan (always a plus for me, I love this state), older, mature. Well, we talked for a few days via text messaging and talking on the phone a bit. My first impression was a fairly good one.... He was a little excessive with the texting, but I chalked it up to over excitement.

Well, the day came when we decided to meet. We (meaning I) kept it simple and met at a local restaurant for some early dinner (working nights I have a slightly squirly schedule). The date went really well, even though it was pretty painful (for me) at parts. I'm actually very good a keeping idle conversation going for the sake of avoiding awkward moments of silence. He's a very interesting individual. He's done a lot, seen a lot, fairly intelligent person. Ok, ok, I'll admit he is very easy on the eyes too! I loved the fact that he is two years older than me, and very mature (so far). I'm pretty over dating guys that are younger than me and/or my age. Its never gone anywhere except dead ends. He is looking in the same direction as I am in terms of getting married and having a family. However.......... this guys wants it yesterday. That's my way of saying this guy came on a little strong.... and by a little strong I mean he is practically my cyber shadow. My phone has blown up with text messages and phone calls from him. Seriously. After our date, he asked me what I was going to do and I said was planning on going over to my sisters for a little while. Minutes after we said good bye I received a text message. He told me what a great time he had and thanks. Ok, I can deal with this, it was sweet and I expected that to be the end of it for at least the day or maybe a few. I have never been more wrong in my life. In. My. Life. This fella kept at. About 20 minutes later I received a text message asking me if I was still at my sisters. Um yea. I chose not to respond. He knew I was there, and still texted me? I figured if he didn't get a response too that he would figure it out on his own, that yea I was still at my sisters. Talking. To her. Once again, I was wrong. (Lets hope this recent trend of me being wrong fades by the time Anatomy and Physiology start for the school year!) About 15 minutes after that text I receive yet another, don't ask me what it said because they all blur together now. I ,yet again, choose to not respond ( I haven't even opened the darn things on my phone, so they are just piling up like the proverbial junk mail pile at home (or bill pile which ever floats your boat). At this point I am wondering what this guys deal is. He reminds me of a clinging toddler, I have a toddler and he isn't anywhere near this clinging/needy. I'm losing my patience now, you would think that after sending me 6, yup that's right, 6 unanswered text messages in the last hour and a half someone would get the point. Are you waiting for the punch line? Oh you are? Ok, well here it is...... it doesn't stop there. No, the man calls me! Calls me after sending me 6 text messages only a mere hour and a half after our FIRST date, none of which I have even replied to. Are you as overwhelmed as I was yet? At this point I have, have to leave to go to work. I get to work and the messages keep pouring in. Its driving me to the edge I tell ya. I even had a mini melt down to my coworker/friend. Now those of you that know me can attest that I am a nice person. I am thoughtful, tactful, empathetic (nursing school anyone?), trustworthy, honest....... but good gravy! It continues through the night and I'm starting to wonder if this guy ever sleeps or if he keeps odd hours like me or if he is just forcing himself to stay away just to stare at all the unanswered text messages hes sent to me. If I was him, I would be ashamed of myself. Humiliated to say the least. I had to have a come to Jesus meeting with him early that morning. I am not a co-depended person at all and do not do well with the checking in/constant texting business. And egad man, we just met and had one date. I am not going to marry you or even make an official announcement that I have a new boyfriend. And stop putting xoxox's after some of your texts to me, its not cute right now, its creepy.

Well, hes not a very fast learner..... he has eased up a bit. But I sleep during the day and he knew this. DO NOT TEXT ME. Its not sweet, its maddening. Especially when you work 10-11 hours over night and have to sleep in the the sweltering heat and middle of the day. I got several "I'm thinking about you" text messages. Oh really? Are you thinking about the fact that I'm SLEEPING. Obviously not a concept that he is grasping and our little come to sweet Jesus meeting didn't have the impact I intended to have on him. So, here I am and the crossroads of Bitch and Freaked Out. I think the series of unfortunate events is a blazing red flag to run, run far and fast.

So, my tale of dating woes is at an end, for now...........

Spring Semester 2011

Spring semester has begun without any hitch. So far. I'm taking Organic and Biochem, College Algebra, and Personal Nutrition. A full load according to the COT. And trust me, 11 credits on top of working and having a 8 month old is more than enough thank you. I'll only have my A&P classes and Stats after this. I'm excited for this semester to get going. I'm so close to nursing school I can taste it. Which means I'm that much closer to beginning my career. I'm excited and anxious but so, so ready. Being a nurse is what I've always dreamed of. Being one of those people that others go to at their most venerable moments. Not to take advantage of them, but to make everything better. So to speak. To be one of the "rocks" in their lives for the time being.

I do however have a rant I need to get out of my system before I explode. I'm normally a very happy, optimistic, supportive person. But I hate, hate, hate two faced, back stabbing people who think nothing is more important than themselves and their lives. I don't mind sharing the spotlight. In fact, I don't like to be in it alone. But do not shove me out when I am in it, which isn't often. For example, what makes anyone elses pregnancy more important or special than mine was? Do you get the picture? We are not 12 year old competing for the families attention. I am a mature, 26 year old woman, mother, and wife. I will not play your little game of "Who's more important/fight for the spotlight?". People are over it. Its not at the fore front of their minds like you think so quit flaunting it. No I didn't have maternity photographs take, my husband happened to be deployed for the whole pregnancy. Oh its really that big of a deal? To you maybe, but to me? I'll live. So please quit trying to make me feel guilty or some how not sentimental about my pregnancy. If being in the spotlight is so damn important to you, please by all means pitch a tent in it. But mark my words, people will get sick of you. I am but the first of many. Which is sad because I want to be genuinely happy for you, but when its been a non-stop topic for the last 38 weeks. Well forgive me if I'm not jumping for joy anymore. Can you not talk about anything else to me besides your pregnancy??

Ok, sorry. I've been penting that up inside myself for months now. And a person can hold it in only so long...... I hate bi*ching like this, but a person can only take the beating so long with out saying something. I figured this was a more "non-rocking-the-boat" way. In closing, I leave you with the latest picture of my main man and all his handsomeness. : )

A testament.

And this ladies and gents is why I love living in beautiful Montana. This is the view from my back porch believe it or not.

You just can't fake this.

Whats a mom to do?

So, Carsen has been out at his Gramp's and Mamae's house this WHOLE weekend. I don't think I need to say that I had no idea what to do with myself, but I will for effect. I have really been walking in circles the whole time. I'll do a chore of some sort, then wander around the house for a while feeling like I should be changing a diaper, or singing Toddler Tunes, or feeding someone, or playing silly games. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy the much needed "me" time that this allows for. But he is my baby and no one knows how to take care of him like I do..... I know that he is in perfectly capable hands and being wonderfully taken care of. But not by me. That's the point. I just miss him. I wanna kiss his chubby little cheeks and see his sweet little smile when I make a fool of myself for his benefit. If I'm not being Carsen's mommy, then who am I?

That's a concept I've been struggling with a bit for a little while. I know who I was before Carsen. I was a student-and employee-a fun-loving- in-killer-shape-beer-drinkin-jitter-buggin-all day and most of the night, gal. I remember going out with Archie some nights and not getting back in until 1 or 2 in the morning but being able to sleep for a few hours and rise and shine at 4 am to be at work by 5. I'd just hook up to an I.V drip of espresso. Kidding. I was fully within my physical capabilities to do that. And to top it off I'd go straight to the gym after working a full day to run 6 or 8 miles and lift weights. I was superwoman I tell ya. I even managed to keep straight A's in my classes.

I am nowstill some of those things. I'm still Jess the student-employee. But now, I'm Jess-Carsen's Mommy. A title I will never give up nor deny. I love, love, love being a mom. Its the essence of my life. Seeing his little cherub face first thing in the morning and the last thing I see at night gives me more happiness than you'll ever know. I mean, I GREW him in my TUMMY. And then I GAVE BIRTH to HIM. He is why I exist and will continue existing. I actually like doing mommy things like being spit up on, peed on, pooped on (yes, like all moms my life for some reason gravitates toward this), performing silly dances to convince a little someone that green beans are delicious and he wants to eat them, soothing a very angry little man to ensure him that I will indeed feed him again. Oh the list goes on. I won't lie because I am very fortunate enough to have such a mellow baby that allows me to take a shower (at mock 1 not 3) everyday as long as he is sitting in his jump-a-roo in the bathroom so he can hear mommy talking. I know moms who are lucky if they get to shower 3 times a week at this stage.

But who am I other than Carsen's-mommy-student-and employee? I'm afraid to admit that going to the gym has fallen by the wayside. I use (and probably still do) love nothing more than popping my iPod in and working up a good sweat. I never felt better and more than enough energy. I'm not overweight, and I have no baby weight to loose (God bless breastfeeding) but I'm soft and not very fit anymore. I'm not really into the beer-drinking-jitter-bugging-all-night kinda girl anymore. I'd rather be at home (maybe have a few, and by few I mean one, beers) with my little boy safely tucked in under my watch. Occasionally I get the bug (haha) to go out and pretend for just one night that I have the stamina I use to. I usually pay for it for several days after the fact now though. Its kinda sad really, I mourn the loss of my old self, but and more than rejoicing in my new self. I guess I  just wish I had some "new mom" friends too. I love, love, love my old friends to bits and pieces, but having someone else to relate a little more too would be nice.

Ok, enough of the "who am I besides a mom" spew. I'll figure it all out in good time. I suppose all new moms go through this phase. I am currently happy as a clam. I got to sleep in, take a 40 minute bath yesterday, drink my coffee before it reached the icy chill of our outside air, clean up, make dinner, and bake cupcakes (don't ask). Oh! And I was able to read a good 1/3 of my newest book on my Kindle. : ) And as for today, I intend on showering, drinking my coffee, and reading yet again. For school kicks back into gear on Wed. Which means I'll be over taken with lab practicals, projects, exams, homework, and really dull reading until the early weeks of summer..........

Ahhh, my morning’s sweet elixir.

That's right. I'm talking about coffee. Every morning at the most ungodly hour my little man is awake and babbling in his crib. A few minutes later the babbling turns into hollers of protest. I some how manage to peel myself from my soft, warm, oh so comfortable bed and stumble into his room. My eyes are still barely open at this point but I some how manage to change Carsen's diaper and button up his jammies straight. We make our way to the kitchen where the Holy Grail awaits my arrival on the counter, my coffee pot. I so look forward to pressing the percolator button and listen. In the process of the brewing coffee Carsen is fed and settled in his jump-a-roo while I make my first cup of the morning.

And let me tell you, there is nothing like the first sip in the early morning. It is practically an out of body experience. As I nurse my first mug of the morning I feel the signs of life sparking in me, and its all down hill from there. As a working-student-new mom you may very well continuously hear about my love affair with coffee through my blogging...... Just sayin.

Oh my goodness. Oh. My. Goodness.

I am a fan of Man vs. Food. Yes, I am a fatty deep down. I love watching the host, Adam Richman, travel the country while stopping at the country’s most popular "stuff-yo-face" restaurants. What a job huh? He also seems to like to stop at the places with the most outrageous eating challenges. Ever. Come on now. A 72 oz steak in Amarillo?

 The Suicide 6 Wings in Brooklyn? (Um, no thanks. The spicy chicken sandwich from Wendy's is hot enough for me.) Even a 5-lb. Jumboli Stromboli challenge in our very own Butte, Montana. Here's a clip of Adam and his first attempt at the Suicide 6 Wing thingy.

However, I was watching his Boulder, Colorado episode earlier today. A Mountain Man Pizza? Think about it. Adam ended up stopping at a breakfast joint know as "The Buff'. And I have one word. Saddlebags. Yummmmmmm. This down right delectable breakfast entree is a basic buttermilk pancake with a hearty twist. You get bacon, sausage, or ham and two eggs over easy with it. Nay, IN IT! Your choice of breakfast meat is cooked right in the pancake. Sweet and savory. Yes please dear sir! And to top it off (quite literally) a over easy egg.

 Oh my lordy, lordy. With butter and maple syrup dousing the crem'da'la breakfast, it makes a mouth and tummy more than happy. I've experimented already with this plate, and even at my novice level of cooking they turned out down right inhale-able. I think this will be a family tradition for a holiday morning of some sort. Or just a "What the hay!" occasion. This very well could be a part of everyday in our house.... I kid, I kid.